It’s a bad sign that years before “my wife divorced me”, I wanted to be alone. Note I didn’t say “get a divorce”; I said “be alone”. I used to Dream of a Life with just my child. It started when she was just one year old.
I used to Dream of having her all to myself, to be myself. To father her My Way. I didn’t mind sharing. I didn’t dream of Full Custody or anything like that. My dreams never had that much detail. I just dreamed of being “the kind of dad I wanted to be”. I dreamed of rising my daughter, Katerina, pygmalion-style, my own Fair Lady. And I simply couldn’t do that married to her mom.
But this wasn’t about mom, my then-wife. My ex was and is my Superior to me in So Many Ways. Looks-wise, she’s Stunning. Accomplishments? Extensive. Quality of Character? I’ll simply say “She’s a really good girl”. So, as you can see, it wasn’t about her, or against her. I just wanted to be dad, all by myself.
I loved my wife. Still do. More than when we were married.I just didn’t want to be married. To anyone. And ever again. I just wanted and want to be a single dad.
My dream came true. I’m Independent now. I live alone, or with Kat when she’s with me (50% of the time), and my ex is still very much in my life – at arms distance. The way I always wanted it. Or wanted it for a long time.